Here Comes Your Man
by petals-to-fish
Summary: Prompt: muggle au where hilarity ensues when James Potter is called to pick up Lily Evans from the Hospital because he accidentally labeled himself as her emergency contact.


Here Comes Your Man

 **Prompt:** Muggle au where, in a drunken mishap, James is accidentally listed as Lily's emergency contact and hilarity ensues because the pair hardly know each other.

* * *

"Alright Miss Evans."

Doctor Frank Longbottom was the poor sap assigned to Lily Evans when she entered Levinstown Hospital cradling her swollen wrist in rumpled clothes that smelled like the chlorine pool she'd fallen into. Frank looked over his chart and Lily sent him the best smile she could. He seemed nice, if not amused by her since she refused to tell him _exactly_ what happened. She was a university student and he could probably guesstimate she'd been intoxicated but none-the-less Lily was not ready to share with the fair-haired doctor about how senseless she'd been.

"You are not well enough to drive," he was being persistent, "I'd feel best if a friend or family member came to get you."

Lily was unquestionably hungover from Marlene McKinnon's party. She felt light as air but simultaneously glued to the ground. The medications the Hospital had given her for her broken wrist were making her brain turn to mush and her eyes especially fuzzy. The muscle relaxers and pain relievers were in the bag by her lap. The thick paper covering the bed crinkled under her shorts as she shifted awkwardly. Everyone Lily knew was still at Marlene's house, probably still drunk. Lily had woken up to most of the girls watching a reality show and drinking mimosas. They'd all been too drunk to drive her too the Hospital and they were probably still too drunk to come get her.

It was the weekend and with no school obligations, came time for fun. Lily just had a little too much fun. Lily should've never gone near the pool; they were just so rare in England households that she'd wanted to get the full experience.

There was no way in Hell Lily looked good enough to convince the doctor that she was fine and dandy. She was surprised they hadn't pressured her about how much alcohol she consumed the night before because Lily was certain she not only stank of chlorine but also of liquor. Lily pressed her fingers lightly to her forehead where a steady bump was growing from the diving board.

Frank tapped his pen against the clipboard he held in his gloved hands.

"You're sure it's just the wrist?" Dr. Frank looked concerned by her swaying—if she was swaying—she couldn't actually tell.

"Yeah," she deceived rapidly, "Just the wrist!"

Frank seemed skeptical; "You have a red bump on your forehead."

"Funny that." Lily pulled her fringe over her forehead but it sprang back into place.

Frank sighed at her persistence, "Do you have an emergency contact I can get ahold of to come get you?"

Lily's shoulders dropped and she knew she'd have to call Marley. Hopefully her best friend wouldn't be too far-gone. It was almost two in the afternoon after all. Lily reached over the bed for her phone in her bag and pushed it on before passing it to the doctor carelessly, "It's under emergency contact and please just text her, she hates talking on the phone."

"Under emergency? Ah, never mind I found it..." Frank was quiet as she typed out something on her phone, "Texting, eating and writing will all be harder for you. Don't be afraid to ask for help."

Lily stared at the glittery gold letters on the case that spelled out 'Be Brave' as a glittery reminder for Lily to live like each day was her last. Ironically, her nerve had placed her in the Hospital in the first place. Doctor Frank handed her the phone back with a terse nod.

"The nurse is going to come back in and go over care for your cast." He told her as she stared at the message he'd sent.

 **Lily Evans to Emergency Contact Lames Otter**

 **Lily:** _This is Doctor Frank Longbottom from the Levinstown Hospital. You're listed under the emergency contact for Lily Evans. Don't worry, she is all right but she'll need a ride back home from Levinstown Emergency Room. You may call the hospital with any other concerns or text Miss Evans' cell. Thank you._

James Potter sat up from leaning against his black car. The message hadn't been the type he'd been waiting for and as such, it startled him. Especially since the text came from a doctor at the Levinstown Hospital just two miles down the road. As his eyes glanced over the odd text message for the second time James realized he had no idea who Lily Evans even was or why the text came from someone listed under his phone as Jily Evals.

First of all, James was certain he didn't know a Lily Evans _or_ a Jily Evals. He thought that (maybe) he recognized the name but he went to Levinstown University and heard a lot of names. Second of all, the only idiots he knew that would play a prank like the text were the boys who were currently making James wait alone in the parking lot of a timeworn movie theater. James wondered if the entire text was just a prank set forth by his best friend Sirius.

Sirius was supposed to be meeting James for the half past three showing of _Wonder Woman_. They'd planned the afternoon the night before while watching the newest _Game of Thrones_ episode with their friends. James' other mates Remus and Peter had, in fact, texted James twenty minutes before the prank text about meeting up at the movie theatre fifteen minutes before.

James decided to get to the bottom of the text, solely because it was an odd prank for his friends to play.

 **James Potter to The Marauders Group Chat**

 **James:** _Any of you know the mobile 900376?_

 **Peter:** _Almost there. Get me buttered popcorn plz._

 **Remus:** _It doesn't match anything in my mobile._

 **James:** _what about Lily Evans?_

 **James** : _Anyone? Sirius?_

 **Remus** : _Sirius can't text you because he's trying to run over an old woman crossing the street at a glacial pace but he wants to know how a girl from debate class got your number._

 **James** : _She's in our debate class?_

 **Remus** : _She's the one who wears dresses a lot and really loves debating animal rights_

 **Remus** : _She was at Benjy's party last week._

James didn't remember much about Benjy Fengwick's party but he vaguely recalled drawing little stars on a womans curvy shoulders while Sirius won at beer pong. James wondered if her number was the one haphazardly entered into his phone.

 **Sirius** : _I bet she's the same one I saw you basically laying on top of on the couch in the sitting room._

 **James** : _I don't remember that?_

 **Sirius** : _Lucky you, it was disgusting._

 **Peter** : _Sirius don't text and drive or we'll all end up in the Hospital_

 **James** : _Funny you should mention the Hospital because that's where Lily Evans apparently is and they called me her emergency contact._

 **Remus** : _I didn't think you were the one to go to in emergencies._

 **Sirius** : _Maybe drunken James thought it was for emergency snogs?_

 **James** : _Dunno, but I'm gonna go get her._

 **Peter** : _Wait, you're going to the ER for a stranger?_

 **Sirius** : _He snogged her Peter so they r hardly strangers now._

 **Peter** : _What about my popcorn?_

James pocketed his phone and adjusted his glasses as he got into his car. James remembered drawing on a woman but for the life of him he couldn't remember much else. Hopefully the girl knew a little bit more than he did. The car blasted the new Imagine Dragons song as he pulled out of the movie theater and onto the main streets. Whoever Lily Evans was, she was about to meet James Potter.

XxX

Lily rubbed her head and balanced her phone, trying to text Marley.

 **Lily Evans to Emergency Contact Lames Otter**

 **Lily** _: jfc…Marley if ur still drunk you can't come get me_

Lily closed her eyes but they popped open to the sound of wind chimes, not the monkey noises pre set to Marlene's texts. Lily blinked in bewilderment and glanced at her screen.

 **Lames** _: I haven't been drinking and this isn't Marley_

Panic struck her heart as she looked at the top where the screen displayed who she was texting. The words _Emergency_ and _Contact_ filtered across the screen. After those words came two words that Lily didn't recognize. Lily wondered momentarily if the drugs were making her mad.

 **Lily** _: Petty?_

 **Lily** _: …_

Lily had changed Marley to her emergency contact right before Benjy's party the week before. Petunia shouldn't be the one her doctor texted. Lily pulled her phone closer to her face to read the blurry letters more precisely. The screen blared into her eyes like a laser but she managed to make out the words at the top of the screen.

 **Lames** _: I'm neither a Petty nor a Marley but I am on my way to help_

That's when she almost dropped her phone. Luckily her fingertips clutched the screen at the last moment so she could drag her fingers across the screen in sheer panic.

It wasn't Marley.

It wasn't Petunia.

It wasn't a number she recognized at all.

The first four digits were unrecognizable.

Someone that she didn't know was responding to the doctor's text and it was someone who had somehow gotten put as her emergency contact accidently. Lily's hearted picked up as she fretted over whoever was texting her. Lily couldn't remember letting anyone have her phone recently and wondered if one of the girls did it last night as a joke.

Lily didn't think it was very funny.

What if the person was a stalker? What if the person was a serial killer? What if the person was a stalking serial killer? A legit stranger was on their way to the hospital, a stranger who could kidnap her and sell her to the circus to forever work on high beams and trapeze. Lily had watched _Taken_ and _Snatched_ too many times to even consider that she was being overly dramatic.

Lily struggled through her fog to find Marley's name in her chat box.

 **Lily Evans to Marlene McKinnon**

 **Lily** : _so I need you to get to the Levinstown Hospital_

 **Marlene** : _sorry I'm lrunk_

 **Lily** : _Marley plz uber here or something!_

 **Lily** : _Some stranger is going to abduct me and make me preform in the circus_

 **Marley** : _I witnessed u on the diving boaard last night Lil, u literally have 0 career in a circus._

 **Marley** : _y is a stranger snacking u from hospital?_

 **Lily** : _something went wrong and the dr called my emergency contact instead of you!_

 **Marley** : _Petunia is to get you…ur sister hate u but won't sell u 2 the circus_

 **Marley** : _This is Mary._ _Did you tell the doctors what happened?_

 **Lily** : _of fucking course not._

 **Lily** : _but wrist is officially busted and have a headache_

 **Marlene** : _***and a hangover_

 **Lily** : _Probably_

 **Lily** : _also Petunia wasn't my emergency contact apparently and some stranger is coming and is going to kidnap me so plz come get me before stranger danger_

"Miss Evans?" Doctor Frank peered his head around the room curtain to see Lily balancing her phone on her fingertips as she tried to text Marley quickly.

Lily's head shot up regretfully, "Yeah?"

"Your boyfriend is in the lobby waiting for you," Frank eyed her peculiar expression, "One of the nurses will come help you out."

When the curtain fell back over Frank's puzzled expression Lily frantically clicked the microphone option on her phone.

"The doctor just said my _boyfriend_ is waiting for me in the lobby…"

Marlene's reply was unhelpful in the most certain sense: _Don't look now, here comes your man._

XxX

When James entered the waiting room of the hospital he was hit with the overwhelming sense of nerves. He had no idea what he was getting himself into. He couldn't turn back now, even though he was worried he'd made a mistake when the blond receptionist stared at him rather unhelpfully. At her side was a young doctor, probably a few years older than James, flirting with her. He waltzed up to the desk and leaned on the counter. She raised a stenciled eyebrow.

"Hullo, I'm here for Lily Evans?"

"Room 13," the blonde seemed to know whom he was talking about and the Doctor at her side grinned and winked at James.

"Your girlfriend is an interesting one."

James didn't bother correcting the Doctor, "What'd she do?"

The doctor's nametag reading _Frank_ flashed in the harsh hospital lighting, "I was hoping you could tell me, she's been oddly cryptic."

James gawkily answered, "Ah, well, I can take her home and take her off her your hands."

Frank stretched beside the blond who almost yearned in his direction with her blue eyes, "Miss Evans is on her way out with the nurse. She's on some muscle relaxers and pain meds for a headache and a sprained wrist…whatever she did she did it well."

James nodded and pulled out his phone when the doctor leaned over to talk to the receptionist in low tones.

 **James Potter to Marauders Group Chat**

 **James** : _update in the hospital_

 **James** : _Lily's doctor is laying it on thick with the receptionist and I'm standing right here in front of them_

 **Sirius** : _stop texting Jamie it's rude to text in a movie_

 **Peter** : _says the boy texting in the actual movie…_

 **Remus** : _Why is Lily in the ER?_

 **James** : _the doctor said she hit her head and managed a cracked wrist because of a cryptic fall_

 **Peter** : _cryptic fall?_

 **Sirius** : _Cryptic text._

 **James** : _apparently she refuses to tell them exactly what happened_

 **Sirius** : _drunk_

 **Sirius** : _what'd she do when you walked through the door?_

 **James** : _I'm waiting for her in the waiting room…_

 **Sirius** : _five pounds she doesn't remember you_

 **James** : _I don't even remember her…_

"Right over here Miss Evans."

James' face shot up from his screen and he faltered mid smile when he saw her half smile.

 _Buggering shit_ , James' heart fell to his stomach. Dark auburn hair that fell neatly to her shoulders, eyes bright green and almond shaped, a black tank top with the university coat of arms on the chest and purple shorts that looked as if they'd seen better days…she was fucking beautiful.

He recognized her from debate class immediately.

He never knew her name firstly because he skipped debate a quarter of the time; secondly because he never focused when he was in debate. Normally James and Sirius spent half the class period watching movies on James' laptop in the back of the room. Honestly, the few times James _had_ listened in debate were when the lovely girl who wore dresses raised her hand to defend her strongly considered opinions.

James also _definitely_ snogged this woman at Benjy's party last week. He recognized (of everything mesmerizing about Lily) the sparkly maroon and gold phone case. He'd remembered admiring the golden glitter, only because it spelled out the words 'be brave'.

When James' eyes finally flashed up to Lily's face he saw that she had a blush on the bridge of her nose as she judged him, Lily was equally as shocked at his appearance. Her arm was wrapped from the elbow down in gauze and a lilac cast that matched her shorts. A rather large red welt was on her forehead, near her left eye. James saw that her eyes (although striking at first glace) were red rimmed.

"You must be Jily." He managed to speak.

"Jily?" her lips were rosy red from her biting them tensely, "What?"

"That's what you're listed as in my phone." He illuminated, "Jily Evals."

She shook the phone in her good hand, "And you are Lames Otter." she took a deep breath, "You giggled when you kissed me, right? You're the boy from Benjy's party."

It was James' turn to redden, "And debate—"

" _You're_ in Debate Politics?" she seemed surprised, as if she really hadn't ever seen him there.

"You calling me a liar?" He winked.

Lily smirked at him and tilted her head, "It's James Potter, right?"

The nurse broke up their stand off, "Miss Evans I need you to sign your release statement."

While Lily busied herself with the nurse James went right back to his texting.

 **James Potter to Sirius Black**

 **James** : _fuck this is definitely the girl from Benjy's party last week_

 **Sirius** : _the one you snogged or the one you drew on while I won beer pong?_

 **James** : _both_

 **Sirius** : _Pics or it didn't happen_

 **James** : _*sends attachment*_

 **Sirius** : _sneaky_

 **Sirius** : _is that a cast?_

 **Sirius** : _Nice legs_

 **Sirius** : _Peter's threatening to put my phone in his drink_

"Did you just take a picture of me?"

" _No_."

James looked up from his phone to see Lily was now standing directly in front of him. Her bag was gracelessly slung around her good arm as her green eyes considered him. Her phone was clutched in the fingers of the casted arm. James decided to be a gentleman and he reached out to pull the heavy bag off her arm. She didn't stop him and instead traded her phone in hands.

"Thanks." She told him, "I need to text my best friend back because she thinks I'm getting snatched."

"You're being snatched?" James raised an eyebrow.

Lily nodded firmly as she craftily texted, "You're selling me to the circus."

She was mad, bonkers, and he loved it. James leaned forward and tilted his head at his new friend. She stared him down, not breaking eye contact, even when her phone buzzed in her hand.

"You told your mates that your emergency contact was going to sell you to the circus?"

"I didn't know who you were." Lily defended herself, "You should've just said you were the bloke from Benjy's party."

"Er," James ruffled his black hair uneasily and Lily caught the sheepish glance at his feet.

"You didn't remember my name." She sounded tickled at the thought.

"To be fair," he looked up and stated, " _You_ wrote Jily in my phone, not Lily."

"Well, I recognized your glasses." Lily told him and James frowned, "I remember putting them on."

"That's all you remember?"

"You did giggle when we kissed, didn't you?"

James clenched his jaw as she smiled down at her phone and began texting. The fading sunlight from the windows hit her hair, lighting it on fire. He decided to do some texting of his own.

 **James Potter to Sirius Black**

 **James** : _help!_ _She's even more beautiful outside of debate class_

 **Sirius** : _Everything's more beautiful outside of debate._

 **Sirius** : _Even Severus Snape goes from a solid negative 1 to a 0 at best._

 **James** : _she asked me if I was the boy who giggled when we kissed_

 **Sirius** : _well you can't lie to her_

 **James** : _I don't giggle_

 **Sirius** : _I've seen every single episode of The Office with you and you giggle every time Jim pranks Dwight or professes his love for Pam._

James moaned and looked up to see Lily staring keenly at him.

"Well?"

"Well what?" he enquired naïvely.

"Are you here to take me home or not?" she gestured to the doors to the parking lot, "I've been wearing the same clothes for the past—oh—fourteen hours? I'm dreaming of a dress and sandals."

"You like your dresses." He commented, interested, "Is there a reason?"

"I dress to impress." She winked, "Brains and beauty."

She would kill him in a debate not only because she was probably heaps smarter than him but because she'd render him speechless. James didn't bother telling her that she could show up to class in a potato sack and he'd still probably stare at her for longer than socially acceptable. Her eyes narrowed when he offered her his hand to take. James had a feeling she was a great kisser, based on how much he bit her own lip.

James just nodded at her rejection and lowered his hand. James then led Lily out the doors of the hospital and into the darkening car lot. The sky was turning shades of pink and orange behind the clouds as he steered her to his car. Lily stared at the sun as if were offending her simply by setting. James could see the lump on her forehead even clearer thanks to the darkening hues of the sky.

"So," he proceeded the interrogation, "How'd you get here?"

"I uber-ed." She replied evenly, "My friends were— _incapable_ of taking me."

"Your friends were hungover?"

"Wrong." Lily shot him a playful grin that made his insides twist, "They were still drunk and I was the hungover one trying to get to the Hospital."

"I'm sure it's quite a story."

He stopped in front of his car and snuck to the passage side to open the door for her. He also stuck the keys in the ignition, just to turn the air on and circulate the new car smell. Lily eyed him peculiarly before taking her seat on the leather cushions. James placed Lily's purple patchwork bag at her feet while she clutched onto her phone for dear life.

"Enter your address into my system." James told her, "It's voice controlled so just say it out loud and Marla will get it."

"Marla." Lily snorted with a roll of her eyes, "Boys and their toys."

He walked around the other end of the car as Lily did a she was told. James' car (Marla) was a gift from his parents for making Captain of the Uni football team. James loved her, mostly because she got great gas mileage and rode like a dream. Lily looked unimpressed but most girls were.

Lily sat stiffly in her seat, holding her cast tensely.

"Do you remember it?" James continued the conversation.

"No, not really, just you drawing on my arms."

"I'm talking about whatever made you end up in the hospital." James made a face, "Not Benjy's party."

"Ah." She looked embarrassed again.

"We can talk about our drunken mishaps later."

Lily seemed dazed but then offered rather unpleasantly, "I may or may not have had a bit too much fireball last night."

" _Really_?" James couldn't resist chuckling as he stopped at a stoplight and glanced sideways at her, "I couldn't tell."

XxX

Lily bit her lip, aware of James' gaze. She wished she could've remembered what snogging him was like but all she remembered from Benjy's party was Marley's sparkly pink shoes and someone drawing stars on her shoulders. Lily wasn't even positive about the last one too, because she woke up with the stars drawn on in permanent marker. She used her thumb to type briefly to Marlene.

 **Lily Evans to Marlene McKinnon**

 **Lily** : _So emergency-contact-boyfriend is actually James Potter aka star-boy from Benjy's party._

 **Marlene** : _I wish I weren't still drinking_

 **Lily** : _ur texting rather well for someone who's plastered._

 **Marlene** : _Siri is a drunken girl's best friend._

 **Marlene** : _Mary McDonald just said he's an art history major._

 **Marlene** _: The drawing on you while drunk makes sense now._

 **Lily** : _fuck, just asked me how I ended up in the hospital_

 **Marlene** : _If you don't tell him, I will._

 **Lily** : _u don't even know him._

 **Marlene** : _I just added him as a friend on facebook_

 **Lily** : _u did what?!_

 **Marlene** : _He's single._

 **Marlene** : _He's holding a puppy in his profile picture._

 **Marlene** : _His quote is from The Princess Bride._

 **Marlene** : _Dorcas said If you don't shag him, she will._

 **Marlene** : _Sorry that was drunk Dorcas talking._

 **Marlene** : _He's all yours._

 **Marlene** : _Lily?_

Lily's fingers played with her phone case as Marlene continued to try and grab her attention away from the boy next to her humming along to a trendy pop song. Lily couldn't help but feel relieved that the boy who'd stopped his afternoon to help her was single and had a sense of humor.

XxX

James noticed as soon as she stopped texting and he shot her another crooked grin. Her skin looked creamy in the dark. The sun had sunk to its lowest point and soon the stars would be littering the sky.

"So," he was aware of the eagerness in his tone, "Tell me why you're in a cast."

"Well," she said, "I normally hold my alcohol well but when I'm with my friend Marley I tend to go overboard…"

James interrupted, "Not _too_ overboard since you clearly remember this disaster over Benjy's party where we apparently snogged…but I digress…"

Lily played with her fringe, "I tried to be smart last night."

" _Tried_ being the operative word."

Lily actually laughed and James couldn't help but look over at her again because he was awed by her white smile. Her cast rested in her lap and her phone was buzzing on her hand but she was ignoring it.

"I used to be in gymnastics." She enlightened more warmly.

"Gymnastics and fireball." James mused, "Sounds like a great combination."

Lily rolled her eyes at him, "Listen, I just got a bit too brave last night at my friends pool and tried to do a backflip off the diving board."

"You ought to get a new phone case." He commented lightly.

"What?" she asked, puzzled.

"Your phone case says 'be brave' and I reckon you need to be a little less brave," he explained, "If your nerve gets you put in the hospital."

"I use it as a reminder." She justified, "For when I get nervous."

"You don't seem like the type to be nervous about much."

Lily threw her head against the car seat and sent him another surprised look, "What makes you say that?"

"You like debate class."

"That makes me brave?" Lily inquired with a snort.

James didn't know how to clarify so he just said, "You just seem to know exactly what to do and say."

"Not when I have alcohol in my system." Lily exhaled apologetically.

James snickered, "We have something in common."

"Oh, really?" Lily arched her brow at James.

James pushed his glasses up his nose, "Yeah," and then he winked at her, "If I hadn't been plastered at Benjy's I would've _definitely_ called you the next morning for a proper date instead of waiting for you to do backflips off a diving board." He added as afterthought, "I also wouldn't have put my name in your emergency contacts."

Lily put her hand on his and she sent him a grin that seemed to light up the dark, "I'm happy you did." She admitted, "Since drunk Lily couldn't properly put her name into your cell either."

"I like Lily more than I like Jily." James teased, "But I still think I'll keep you under Jily in my phone for laughs."

Lily's good hand brushed her red hair from her face, tucking it behind her pierced ear, "You've been a good sport," she told him gratefully, "You didn't have to get me from the hospital."

James was at a stoplight again so he could look over at the passanger side and see her eyes shining from the streetlights, "Well, I _am_ your emergency contact." He boasted kindly, "Alcohol driven result or not."

"I feel bad," Lily told him, "The first time we meet, we can barely remember each other and the second time we meet, you're acting as chauffeur."

"There's only one way to fix this." He decided candidly.

She looked stunning as she questioned, "How?"

"No alcohol allowed on our date tonight."

 **James Potter to Sirius Black**

 **James** : _taking Lily Evans from debate out tonight_

 **Sirius** : _if you sit next to her in debate instead of me I'm gonna feel so betrayed_

 **Lily Evans to Marlene McKinnon**

 **Lily** : _James says he's taking me on a date to the circus tonight_

 **Marlene** : _don't try to impress him with your back flips_

* * *

loosely based on the time I also tried to impress someone with my backflip while drunk and just ended up in the hospital for muscle relaxers. I was great at being a fool around boys. I've mellowed out with age. Now I just don't talk to them.

Written simply for laughs and fun because this was a pretty rough last two weeks.

all my love,

petals


End file.
